The Last Meow: I adore pets

I love animals and I couldn't imagine my life without them! I have always owned dogs or cats and I feel like my life would be so plain and boring without animals in it. Some people say that they are a nascence and are too much money to waste but I would disagree. They are living creature who love you unconditionally and I love having them. They make me feel happier when Im sad and I think help develop a sense of responsibility and care giving.

The Last Meow

Part A
Lady had chronic renal failure. Her kidneys werent filtering out toxins in her body and she was slowly dieing.

Shawn Levering is a very caring and senstive man. After realizing that Lady was congenitally blind, anemi, and asthmatic he immediatly felt for her and adopted her. She later on had more health problems with her teethenamel that cost him $400.

The vetenarian seems very professional but also sensitive and caring. Her passion is her job and she is good at calculating and determining certian things for Ladys treatment.

Shawn seems willing to pay for Ladys treatment partly because of his former situation with his wife and her back injuries.

Part B
Extreme sacrifices will be made by Shawn and his wife to take care and nurture there cats because they love them. They are willing to do whatever it takes for them.

Would You Die For It?

If something or someone important to me was in danger I would die for it. If my best friends or family were in trouble I would die for them.

Material Things

If i experienced a terrible loss I wouldnt be able to function like I used too. I would always be thinking about the situation and would be really sad. I would want everything I had back. I wouldnt have my bed or my phone or my computer. I dont think I could live for a day with out all the things i have!

The Quest

1.) Analyzing A Novel

2.)Here Follow Some Veres Upon The Buring of Our House, July 10, 1666

3.) He connected to him through spiritual awakining

4.) Plenos Poderes

5.) She means to tell the truth but only when the person is ready for it.

6.) Go down Moses
Way down in Egypt land
Tell old pharoh
TO let my people go

7.) -theor-

8.) GIve complete information about work expeirence , including job titles, dates of employment, company and locations

9.) Prewriting, Writing, Revising, Publishing

10.) Stay clam, Track your time, Master the Directions

Rumors

When I hear about a rumor or gossip, it really depends on the person it is about. If I dont know the person very well, then I tend to believe the person who is spreading the rumor. Just because I dont have enough information about the person to decided if its true or not. If I know the person very well then I can decide which is true.

Project

Im kind of stressing about our project for Thompsons. I feel like we dont have anything ready. I hope we do okay. I just want a good grade in his class.

Time

Why is it that you can never have time to do anything you want to do? Or time takes way to long to get though? I wish I had a remote to speed things up! That would be nice. Then I wouldnt have to sit through bad situations or have time past by way to fast when Im enjoying life.

Graduation!

I went to graduation today and it was REALLY fun for some reason. I just liked being there and seeing people graduate from high school. Like they all looked so excitied and happy to finally be an adult and were just ready to start new. I cant wait until I graduate!

Writingg

I just had the greatest urge to write something. So I just wrote my essay for Thompsons class but now I really dont feel like writing. Soo Im writing a blog about not wanting to be writing at the moment, which Im doing. Uhhh Im going to go swimming laterrrrr!!

Im Going

To just stay home today.. I really dont think I can handle doing stuff. Im just going to be lazy and play mario and work on the project. Yay for lazyess lol

Who Are You?

Who are you? This is a question that I think just about everyone asks themselves. Who am I? I cant tell you who I am. Im still figuring this all out. The harder I try the more confused I am. I always want to be this kind of person, but Im not. Im me. Wow ramblingg lol

Right and Wrong

How do you really decide right from wrong? Ive been noticing lately that people have been pushing me to doubt what I have learned. I mean like my mom and teachers have been saying to 2nd guess things, like things that we are shown in the media or taught. But its making me think about everything. Like how can you tell right from wrong? Things that seemed so simlpe arent. And things that are complicated just get more complicated. Its so confusing!

Attraction

Beauty is something all girls want. I dont know about guys but for girls there is always pressure to be beautiful. If you too skinny people call you anorexic. If your to big your fat. If your boobs or butt arent big enough then your called manily. If you wear to much make up your trying to heard but if you wear none you dont take care of yourself.. Who makes up all these rules? Why is there such a fine line between beauty and ugliness? Why is it when guys notice you all they see is physical? Why cant they see what I see? I think all everyone is unique in there own ways. Unique is beautiful. Why cant they see that. I found someone that sees it in me. Not everyone can though. Why is it so hard to see?

Star trek

Is amazing. Not to metion the guy is the prettiest man I have ever seen in my life. Ohhh boyyy!

?

Have you ever done something you knew was wrong but you didnt care? You know that it was really mean and would hurt someones feelings who cares about you but you do it anyways? You feel guilty but at the same time you still dont regret it? You wish it was just okay... At the same time though you realize your settling for something you dont want? Yeahh..

Just thinking

Its weird how within an hour your feelings can change. Or that months of building up something can be destroyed in seconds. Its sad to see something beautiful fall apart and watch it happen.

Mountain Mikess

I thought working woulb be fun but it really isent.. I mean I like that I can help my mom out by paying for stuff I need now but I hate that its so boring! 4-5 hours a day of nothing. I know it sounds weird but Id rather be working than just sitting there. No one comes in to eat! And when they do like half the time they're drunk or really mean. But yesterday I got my first tip :D

Pi= 3.14

So I was really stressing about finishing the book Life of Pi for english but now that I finished it I feel like I have nothing to do. I mean like a book to read when I have an extra 30 minutes to just chill before going out. The book was okay. I expecdited it to be better than it actually was. Although I do feel like I missed a lot of the important sybalisms that were in it because I was so set on getting it done on time. Oh welll..

I forgot about Blogging

Im sooo sick of all the music I listen too! I need something different! I hate hearing all these song over and over again. I like a lot of different kinds of music but I just dont know what else to get. Like Ill hear a song but then I forget the name of the song or cant remember the artist it makes me so mad!

Life of Pi

I just got my book for the assignment in English todayy. Its been okay so far. Im pretty excitied for what me and my group are going to be doing! We were trying to think of something original but that wont be to hard to do in a month and we came up with some pretty good ideas. Im excitied! Oh and when I was cleaning my room I found a $20!!!

>:(

Lately Ive been missing really silly things to miss. Im miss people in my life that I thought I wouldnt. I just miss them being around. Even though in the end things ended badly, I still miss him. Even though I have no interest in him, I miss him. When things arent going great...like right now, I just miss him. Like how hed always hold my hand. That he was always warm when I was always cold. The way he smelled. The way he thought I was beautiful even when I really wasent. The way he could just know how I was feeling without even having to say anything to him.
But with you its not the same.. Dont get me wrong there were a lot of things wrong with me and him and its never going to happen again. But your just.. mean. You care but your mean. I think im pmsing.

Fast and the Furious

Fast and the Furious was SOOOO good. Im not into cars at all but that was bomb! I want a race car now. A blue Skyline.. Sooo sexy. The acting wasent that bad either like I really thought it was going to be stupid because the last one I saw I thought was stupid but yeahh it was good.

BORED.

Im all alone at home and dieing of bordom. I normally would love this but right now I dont. I just have so much on my mind right now.. I cant relax. I cant stop thinking. Sometimes I wish you can just put everything on pause and let it sink in and not worry about anything else. Well I guess right now is my time to chill but I just cant enjoy it.. I hate no one being here.

$$$$

Wow okay sooo Im just now reading the books off that I need for AP lag and its crazy. I didnt think this class would cost me money? Im not really in a good finacial spot well my mom isent in a good finacial spot and $50 just on books to read for over summer? I dont know if i can do that.. I really want to take this class but Im really hoping the rest of the year wont be like this. Hopefully Ill have a job by then too. Crazy right? 3 AP classes and a part time job. I am going crazy? Is that too much?

I cant sleep.

Wow I didnt realise how stressed I had been this past week. It seemed like everything was happening all at once. But now I finally get a breather! At least for a week. Im so nervous though on the 9th Im going to go to the dmv to take the driving test to get my licence! I really want to past on my first try but now Im not sure. Im probably going to have to take it a second time becasue for my last behind the wheel training class I did bad! Oh well I wont worry to much, for now.

Indifference?

When we talked about indifference in Thompsons class a couple weeks ago, I was really confused about what it meant. Indifferent? How can someone not feel anything? I didnt understand that. I wouldnt call myself emotional... But I do feel things. Whether its happyness, anger, sadness, I still feel something. No matter how moved or uncaring, theres still that spark of something you know?
But now I understand it.
How can you be so indifferent?
How can you not care when its breaking me apart.
How can you be so numb?
How can you not see that I just lost all respect for you.
And that thats not going to change.
Youve treated me badly my entire life.
And all I did was love you..

Fake

Everything just feels so fake. Im fake, your fake, he is too. Nothing is what it really is anymore. Sometimes I wish we could go back to when we were too little to understand what all of this meant. Or so that for things we werent ready to hear, we didnt have to deal with. I wish I could go back to being sheltured and protected by someone who actually cares. Now its like you have to fight against everything on your own. Yes, people are there to help encourage you but its different.

ChillDay!

This morning when I woke up, I didnt feel good at all so I just went right back to bed. But after I woke up again I felt alot better. Soo then I read my new book for a bit then tried to tan which didnt really work. Then I played with the kids next door which is alway fun, and their mom said she wants me to babysit which means moneeyyy! After that I worked on my research paper then went and helped cook dinner anddd chilled with my sister(:

math class

I'm in mr heredias class and its hecka boring... Everyday we do the same thing it gets really lame. I always wonder if his life is as boring as he is. I hope not that would be really sad!

My Parents.

Theres always someone who has it worse.
You should be greatful for everything you have. Why do you want more?
Your so spoiled.
Want, need. Thats all you ever think about.
Thats all you ever think about.
All these things I hear from other people around me. Typically parents. Except they seem strangely foreign to me. My mom and dad used to always give me anything I wanted. When we could afford it. I never really got lectures on wanting things I dont need. My parents thought wanting was needing. If you really want it you'll get it. Except what happens when you start buying everything you want? What happens when you lose your job? What happeneds when you run out of money? What happens when you lose your house?
If you think about it, getting everything you want can really make you unhappy. You know?
When you go for something over and over and over again and every time in your mind all your thinking is this is what I want. I need it. And then its really not what you expected. Its value is lost. Worthless. You didnt work for it. It was just so easy you didnt even notice it really. So how can you really be pleased?

Runninggg

I dont know what I was thinking but I decided to go running. Ouchhh! If you in my PE class you would know that I really dont like being physical in any way. But today I actually was jogging for about 45 minutes straight! Im not sure how far I went but I did get lost a couple times.. I ended up in downtown willow glen and almost knocked someone down with me, it was amazing. But yeah now Im starving so Im guna go eat all the calories I just burned off!!

Slacker!

I really need to start focusing on my grades. I working on my french project at the moment and Im realizing that Im starting to slack off wayyyyy too much! I haven't researched for my essay in Thompsons at all and I dont even know when thats due. I had to stay up really late and do Miclettes notebook the night before we turned it in and I have very low C's in french and geometry. I really really need to start doing my work. Or at least try a little harder. Mostly because I like having good grades and because for when I drive, higher grades means better car insurance! And I WILL be driving legally with my own license innn... 16 days!

!@#$%^&*(

Soooo Im pretty bored right now. I just got home and Im spending time with my sister before I can go out again. Im going to go see Watchman!!! (: I know its pretty nerdy but yeah I love super hero movies. Going with like 10 guys shoould be interesing as well. Well Im out!

(:

Have you ever noticed that when you first met someone, you opinion of them is totally different? Like at first you think theyre nice. Or maybe mean. Or maybe you dont even notice them. But after awhile you start to talk. And you realize so much about them. And they turn into a very influenctial person in your life. And you think back to when you didnt think much of them, or didnt even like them that much and are so thankful you have them now(:

Shut Up

Tomorrows going to be so weird. I hope I get to see him after school or else this whole fight I've been having is worth nothing. Have you eveer had one of those moments in life where you just pour your heart out and your honest and truthful about everything but then it gets you nowhere? It almost feels like your backtracked. Letting everything out just made it worse. This always seems to happen to me. Its better to just shut up.

The Green Eyed Monsteer

jealous |ˈjeləs|
adjective
• feeling or showing suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship.
suspicion, mistrust, insecurity, overprotectiveness. spite; (informa)l the green-eyed monster.

Jealousy is a very dirty word. One that i cringe at the thought of using in my daily vocabulary but seems to be coming up a lot anyways. How do you cure this? Being jealous I mean. Its a feeling Im really not used to. Im not used to causing it either. Am I being a hypocrite? I dont feel like I am. I feel like your just insecure. Maybe this isent working.

The Thread.

Wish
you could turn off
the questions, turn
off the voices,
turn off all sound
yearn
to close out
the ugliness, close
out the filthiness
close out all light
Long
to cast away
yesterday, cast
away memory,
cast away all jeopardy.
Pray
you could somehow stop
the uncertainty, somehow
stop the loathing,
somehow stop the pain
Act
on your own impulse,
swallow the bottle
cut a little deeper
put the gun to your chest.

Goodnight

I am so tired! I really dont want to go to school. I may stay home.

11:11 Make A Wish

Why does this always happen?
What?
I always get mad at you.
I dont know.
You dont know?
Yeah.
I dont want to be mad.
Why are you?
I dont know.
Just say it.
No.
Why?
Whyd you drink?
I dont know.
You dont know?
I didnt want too.
You didnt want too?
No.
I thought you were really going to stop.
I was.
Why didnt you then?
I dont know.
....
Okay.
Yeah.

Snow Day

Its always really nice to get away from it all. This weekend I went up to the snow with a friend and a bunch of other people. We just had an amazing time being ourselves and uncaring. We acted like 4 year olds and it was the best time I've had in a really long. It really made me miss my friend and a couple other people. We got to catch up and I realized that they really are my true friends. Even after not really being able to hangout or really talk in a REALLY long time, there was no awkwardness that usually is there. We just talked. Last night was especially nice. We snuck out of our rooms and went outside in the ridiculously cold snow and sat and watched the stars. It was so beautiful and perfect I guess you could say. I got to meet a lot of new friends and rekindled the fire with old ones! :)

At 2:20 PM

Everything I've known is lost. Everything I've grown used to is changing. Everybody is different. Everything is changing. I was used to friends staying the same while my personal life collapsed. I could function if only I had one constant to depend on. But Im noticing my friends are changing too. My life is changing too. Maybe not necessarily in a bad way... Maybe thats the problem. Everything I was used to is changing for the better, so it seems. And Im not sure if I like that. Im used to things not working for me. Im used to the feel of anxiety. I thrive off of the destructive presence that are in the little corners and cracks of the life I live. But what do you do when those cracks are filled with something. Something temorary, but still appears normal to the naked eye. Do you go along with it? Do you pretend everything is better? Is that what you want from me? Or do I tear at it and tear until its a huge gapping hole. Do I make it as great as possible so everyone can see? Because once your not there, your not there.

V-Day

Im so excitied for Valentines days! Yesterday I was kind of if-y about the whole thing but today I just feel happy and excitied! Like love is in the air! Cheesy but thats how it feels. I cant wait for tonight. Ive never actually done anything special of fun on Valentines day, maybe gotten a few gifts and eaten lots of candy but thats about it.

New Phone

Yay i got a new phone! I like it more than my old one just because its new i think but yeah im really excitied! The only bad thing about it is that I had to pay like 300 dollars and i have none of my old contacts.. But yeah Im guna go play with it more!

<33

Love should be a gift. At least thats always what I thought of it as. Im not a very religious person but I do believe in God and that he gave us the ability to love. If you think about it, what would we be without it? The world would be so ugly and empty without it. Sometimes love comes easily, sometimes it doesn't. It all just depends of who you can connect with. But for all the people you do love and care for, why is it that they treat you in a way that doesn't show it all the time like it should? You take their love as a way to bend and twist for your own needs and desires. You treat them badly over and over again and they continue to be there in your life loving you.

Sports?

Wow I never noticed how many of my fellow peers are involved in sports. Today after school I saw so many of you guys having fun and being involved, it made me feel a little left out. I've never really been the type that excelled in a specific sport, but then again who is good on Gundersons teams(no offence to you guys). Maybe next year Ill join something..(haha)

Song

Have you ever listened to a really chill song and just fallen in love with it? The song Fast Cars by Tracy Chapman is like my new favorite song. I keep listening to it over and again and I still love it!

Has someone ever told you something that just makes you really upset?
Maybe what they said was slightly uncalled for,
But to you, it really hurt.
It just makes you remember something you thought you would never think about again
Something you pushed so far away from conscious thought that you never thought you would remember again?
And you just cant stop thinking, you know?
Now that its there its all you can think about.
But its not like you can tell anyone.

SuperBowl SUnday!!

K so I actually didnt watch the game but I went to a superbowl party in santa cruz with tianna and emily! It was pretty cool we walked over to this really creepy park and went hot tubing. Its so pretty there I want to move their so badlyy. Commercials for the game though... Honestly I wasent that impressed. I didnt watch many but I didnt think they were that funny this year. Plus the 3D glasses didnt work at all!

$$$$$!

SO my mom and I are talking about my birthday. Im turning 16 in like 2 weeks and she keeps saying that I can go do all these cool things for my birthday but I feel bad. I know we dont have enough money and I really am fine with not doing anything but she keeps insisting on having me do stuff. Sometimes I get the impression that your birthday is more for you parents than you. Maybe not for all kids but thats how I feel. But yeah Im feeling bad.

Bleh

Am I the only one thats doing bad so far this year? I have two D's and a C already! And the school year just started. I cant believe it! I feel like I cant remember anything anymore either like today I totally forgot to turn in the take home quiz for Ms Millers.. Like I just cant think anymore. Its driving me crazyyyy.

CRAZY.

Sooo this weekend was CRAZY. On Friday, I really wasent expecting much. I was going to just stay at Emilys house and eat lots of food and be girls and be lazy. But then Tiffany came over. OHBOY! Next thing lead to another and things went crazy thats really the only word I can use to describe it. I got less then 10 hours of sleep for the past two days, a huge lump on my head and two fatty bruises on my face plus in other places.. Left over Chuckie Cheese tokens I never used, new freinds and a lot of memories Ill never forgot. This really is what being a teenager is all about. Even if your face hurts after words! Well its now Sunday night and Im just getting to my house. Where did this weekend go?!

Napping

You know how you have those naps that are just perfect? You don't have any distractions or noises or anything and you can just lay in bed and let your mind drift until you fall asleep? I just woke up from one of those naps and I feel so rejuvenated but at the same time slightly cranky. I really just wanted to sleep and really never wake up.

Creepy Noises!

Okay so right now Im all alone in my house and its really freaking me out! I hate being alone it already makes me really paranoid like I just turned on all the lights and shut all the doors and have the tv on full blast but I keep hearing these noises coming from outside and I dont know if its my imagination or not but its scary! Plus my phones dead and my sister doesnt want to buy a house phone so I could be being chopped up into little tiny pieces with a pair of scissors and no one would know. I hope I dont die!

Beach<3

Today Im supposed to go to the beach Im so excitied! I love the beach its just like a change of scenery where you can be lazy and lay out in the sun all day. My sisters boss whose a family friend owns this really nice beach house right one the beach and were going to go stay there and relax for awhile. Just to get away from it all. Should be fun!

Midnight Mascarade?

Winterball was not as great as I thought it would be but Im not complaing! It was still fun and all but I didnt dance like at all. Which is kind of my fault for a couple reasons but still I wanted to go dance! Its kind of not fun to go when your with your boyfriend. Like I love chilling with him and hes never boring to be around and I felt like I really got to talk to him last night but then again I was at winterball. Not bonding time with your boyfriend time its going out and dancing your booty off time! But yeah after that we all went over to Dennys and that was great and thennn Tiffany and I spent the night at Emiys. :D

Footballll!

RIght now Im watcching the Giants game and I finally starting to understand why people love football so much! I just turned on the tv and it was on so I thought what the heck Ill try it. And its actually entertaining! I wana go to a football game now they seem like so much fun! People get so into it its great! They paint there whole bodies in the colors of their team they like and scream and yell al throughout the game. Its pretty intense!

*First Lovee

As my dad drove me over to his house I couldn't help but feel frustrated. I had to go to his house. Id never been to house and I remember thinking how bored I was going to be. I bet he didn't have any of the same toys I had. He probably had stupid boy toys like action figures and hot wheels and I don't know a pile of dirt. He was my bestfriend but I was still angry that I had to go spend the night over there. Suddenly the car stopped in front of a snug little house with little feminie touch and a beautiful willow tree in the front yard, with a rope swing hanging from the twisted branches of the tree. As my dad unbuckled me my stomach twisted. I was about to protest and demand he take me back. I really was in no mood for my bestfriends stubborn personality. He never had a mom back then and did not know how to treat a woman! If I spent the night here I was sure Id die before morning. Who knows what gross boy things he do to me. But then I saw him come running out the front door towards me with an amazingly brilliant smile on his face. I guess I could stick around for a bit I thought.
"Come sit here!" He gestured toward the little swing hanging from the tree.
"My dad and I built it yesterday. C'mon Ill push you!" I kissed my dad goodbye and ran over to the swing and firmly planted myself down on the seat, gripping the ropes tightly. He was surely going to make this unpleasent. I just knew it.
"Hang on" he brethed excitedly and pushed on my back as hard as he possibly could. Considering that he was only about 5, that boy had a lot of strength. And I fell face down in the dirt. I sat up quickly and glared at Marky. He was laughing.
Sighing I got up and brushed off the dirt on my face and shirt and walked inside. He stopped laughing but I keep going. I hated being here. Every time I was playing with him he would pick on me. Or push me. Or trip me. Or throw dirt in my face. I never did anything to him! I went in his room and sat on his bed. He had sheets with little cars spread across them and toys all over the place. He had blue walls with drawings in random spots and I noticed that most of them were ones I had drawn. Ones with him and I at a park by my house or of us going to the beach that one day. He even had the one I drew about us getting married. He asked me to marry him awhile ago and of course I had said yes he was my best friend! I smiled and was touched that he had kept them. He was my best friend in all but sometimes he acted like he hated me. But he had kept my pictures! My tummy stared feeling a tickleing sensation and I felt a little light headed. He came in and told me not to be such a girl about him pushing me off the swing. Whatever.
"Lets play with your hot wheels" I said. He walked over and sat down next to his tracks. I picked out a car and so did he. I stared at him for awhile and decided that he was cute. He had little freckles on his nose and cheeks and large brown eyes. I liked that. He was being nicer to me too. The tickling feeling came back and I forgot that just 20 minutes ago he had pushed me off that swing and into the dirt and that he tripped me and pulled my hair. And I forgot about how he tried to make me eat that worm on the sidewalk by my house and that he threw my polly pocket in the shed where he knew Id never go because it scared me. I forgot about all of that and kissed him right on the lips. It was my first kiss in my whole life. At first he stayed very still and then after a good 6 seconds he pulled away and pushed me back forcefully.
"Don't ever do that again!" he said walking out. Hurt, I sat there for a second. I didn't think it was that gross. Maybe he doesn't like me back, I thought. After while I came out of his room and found him playing his Nintendo 64 in his living room. Hesitantly I sat down next to him, not saying anything.
"Im sorry, it wont happen again" I mumbled quietly, watching him race past Mario and Yoshi and score in 4th place.
"Pftt..." He grunted. He handed me the controller.
"It wasn't that bad." He said. I smiled a little and my tummy grew warm and tickley again. I was in love.

Back To School

Wow already back to school. I was kind of hoping that everything would be different when I got back. Im not sure why I thought things would be different though. Same faces and place. We've all just been gone for a bit. At first I really liked Gunderson. We're said to be the kind of school where everyone is excepted. Everyone is given a place and wont feel excluded or rejected which really is different from most highschools. But I also feel like I cant relate to anyone there. We all see eachother 5 days out of the week, yet there's still some invisible barrier. Am I the only one that feels it? Like theres only a select few people that I can really see myself talking to more or getting close too. I feel like everyones so guarded. Maybe its because we're still younger. THe upper classmen seem chiill.

I have no idea anymore.

So right now Im wide awake and it 4:01 am. I don't know what's wrong with me, I like sleep all day long and then randomly wake up and am WIDE awake. This has been happening all break and Im really dreading going back to school, wanting to fall asleep in the middle of class. Plus, Im not ready for the stress. This break has been so great, seeing old friends and family. And I really dont want to give it up. I dont want to give up my late 6 hour long conversations with my boyfriend about how ugly our kids would be if we had any or about how dreams are really amazing things. I dont want to give up crazy sleepovers which end up in a makeup fight which is posted up all over myspace. I dont want to give up sleeping in all day just because I can. Meeting guys and sneaking out at 2 in the morning. Playing Super Smash Bros all night. Laying on my friends trampoline freezing to death because its the end of December but not caring because the stars outside are so beautiful itd be a sin to not stay and watch them. Im not ready for my real life to start again. Im not ready to have my real life take over and start acting like I care about where I go in life. Im not ready for growing up. I feel like thats crazy but Im really not.