$$$$$!

SO my mom and I are talking about my birthday. Im turning 16 in like 2 weeks and she keeps saying that I can go do all these cool things for my birthday but I feel bad. I know we dont have enough money and I really am fine with not doing anything but she keeps insisting on having me do stuff. Sometimes I get the impression that your birthday is more for you parents than you. Maybe not for all kids but thats how I feel. But yeah Im feeling bad.

Bleh

Am I the only one thats doing bad so far this year? I have two D's and a C already! And the school year just started. I cant believe it! I feel like I cant remember anything anymore either like today I totally forgot to turn in the take home quiz for Ms Millers.. Like I just cant think anymore. Its driving me crazyyyy.

CRAZY.

Sooo this weekend was CRAZY. On Friday, I really wasent expecting much. I was going to just stay at Emilys house and eat lots of food and be girls and be lazy. But then Tiffany came over. OHBOY! Next thing lead to another and things went crazy thats really the only word I can use to describe it. I got less then 10 hours of sleep for the past two days, a huge lump on my head and two fatty bruises on my face plus in other places.. Left over Chuckie Cheese tokens I never used, new freinds and a lot of memories Ill never forgot. This really is what being a teenager is all about. Even if your face hurts after words! Well its now Sunday night and Im just getting to my house. Where did this weekend go?!

Napping

You know how you have those naps that are just perfect? You don't have any distractions or noises or anything and you can just lay in bed and let your mind drift until you fall asleep? I just woke up from one of those naps and I feel so rejuvenated but at the same time slightly cranky. I really just wanted to sleep and really never wake up.

Creepy Noises!

Okay so right now Im all alone in my house and its really freaking me out! I hate being alone it already makes me really paranoid like I just turned on all the lights and shut all the doors and have the tv on full blast but I keep hearing these noises coming from outside and I dont know if its my imagination or not but its scary! Plus my phones dead and my sister doesnt want to buy a house phone so I could be being chopped up into little tiny pieces with a pair of scissors and no one would know. I hope I dont die!

Beach<3

Today Im supposed to go to the beach Im so excitied! I love the beach its just like a change of scenery where you can be lazy and lay out in the sun all day. My sisters boss whose a family friend owns this really nice beach house right one the beach and were going to go stay there and relax for awhile. Just to get away from it all. Should be fun!

Midnight Mascarade?

Winterball was not as great as I thought it would be but Im not complaing! It was still fun and all but I didnt dance like at all. Which is kind of my fault for a couple reasons but still I wanted to go dance! Its kind of not fun to go when your with your boyfriend. Like I love chilling with him and hes never boring to be around and I felt like I really got to talk to him last night but then again I was at winterball. Not bonding time with your boyfriend time its going out and dancing your booty off time! But yeah after that we all went over to Dennys and that was great and thennn Tiffany and I spent the night at Emiys. :D

Footballll!

RIght now Im watcching the Giants game and I finally starting to understand why people love football so much! I just turned on the tv and it was on so I thought what the heck Ill try it. And its actually entertaining! I wana go to a football game now they seem like so much fun! People get so into it its great! They paint there whole bodies in the colors of their team they like and scream and yell al throughout the game. Its pretty intense!

*First Lovee

As my dad drove me over to his house I couldn't help but feel frustrated. I had to go to his house. Id never been to house and I remember thinking how bored I was going to be. I bet he didn't have any of the same toys I had. He probably had stupid boy toys like action figures and hot wheels and I don't know a pile of dirt. He was my bestfriend but I was still angry that I had to go spend the night over there. Suddenly the car stopped in front of a snug little house with little feminie touch and a beautiful willow tree in the front yard, with a rope swing hanging from the twisted branches of the tree. As my dad unbuckled me my stomach twisted. I was about to protest and demand he take me back. I really was in no mood for my bestfriends stubborn personality. He never had a mom back then and did not know how to treat a woman! If I spent the night here I was sure Id die before morning. Who knows what gross boy things he do to me. But then I saw him come running out the front door towards me with an amazingly brilliant smile on his face. I guess I could stick around for a bit I thought.
"Come sit here!" He gestured toward the little swing hanging from the tree.
"My dad and I built it yesterday. C'mon Ill push you!" I kissed my dad goodbye and ran over to the swing and firmly planted myself down on the seat, gripping the ropes tightly. He was surely going to make this unpleasent. I just knew it.
"Hang on" he brethed excitedly and pushed on my back as hard as he possibly could. Considering that he was only about 5, that boy had a lot of strength. And I fell face down in the dirt. I sat up quickly and glared at Marky. He was laughing.
Sighing I got up and brushed off the dirt on my face and shirt and walked inside. He stopped laughing but I keep going. I hated being here. Every time I was playing with him he would pick on me. Or push me. Or trip me. Or throw dirt in my face. I never did anything to him! I went in his room and sat on his bed. He had sheets with little cars spread across them and toys all over the place. He had blue walls with drawings in random spots and I noticed that most of them were ones I had drawn. Ones with him and I at a park by my house or of us going to the beach that one day. He even had the one I drew about us getting married. He asked me to marry him awhile ago and of course I had said yes he was my best friend! I smiled and was touched that he had kept them. He was my best friend in all but sometimes he acted like he hated me. But he had kept my pictures! My tummy stared feeling a tickleing sensation and I felt a little light headed. He came in and told me not to be such a girl about him pushing me off the swing. Whatever.
"Lets play with your hot wheels" I said. He walked over and sat down next to his tracks. I picked out a car and so did he. I stared at him for awhile and decided that he was cute. He had little freckles on his nose and cheeks and large brown eyes. I liked that. He was being nicer to me too. The tickling feeling came back and I forgot that just 20 minutes ago he had pushed me off that swing and into the dirt and that he tripped me and pulled my hair. And I forgot about how he tried to make me eat that worm on the sidewalk by my house and that he threw my polly pocket in the shed where he knew Id never go because it scared me. I forgot about all of that and kissed him right on the lips. It was my first kiss in my whole life. At first he stayed very still and then after a good 6 seconds he pulled away and pushed me back forcefully.
"Don't ever do that again!" he said walking out. Hurt, I sat there for a second. I didn't think it was that gross. Maybe he doesn't like me back, I thought. After while I came out of his room and found him playing his Nintendo 64 in his living room. Hesitantly I sat down next to him, not saying anything.
"Im sorry, it wont happen again" I mumbled quietly, watching him race past Mario and Yoshi and score in 4th place.
"Pftt..." He grunted. He handed me the controller.
"It wasn't that bad." He said. I smiled a little and my tummy grew warm and tickley again. I was in love.

Back To School

Wow already back to school. I was kind of hoping that everything would be different when I got back. Im not sure why I thought things would be different though. Same faces and place. We've all just been gone for a bit. At first I really liked Gunderson. We're said to be the kind of school where everyone is excepted. Everyone is given a place and wont feel excluded or rejected which really is different from most highschools. But I also feel like I cant relate to anyone there. We all see eachother 5 days out of the week, yet there's still some invisible barrier. Am I the only one that feels it? Like theres only a select few people that I can really see myself talking to more or getting close too. I feel like everyones so guarded. Maybe its because we're still younger. THe upper classmen seem chiill.

I have no idea anymore.

So right now Im wide awake and it 4:01 am. I don't know what's wrong with me, I like sleep all day long and then randomly wake up and am WIDE awake. This has been happening all break and Im really dreading going back to school, wanting to fall asleep in the middle of class. Plus, Im not ready for the stress. This break has been so great, seeing old friends and family. And I really dont want to give it up. I dont want to give up my late 6 hour long conversations with my boyfriend about how ugly our kids would be if we had any or about how dreams are really amazing things. I dont want to give up crazy sleepovers which end up in a makeup fight which is posted up all over myspace. I dont want to give up sleeping in all day just because I can. Meeting guys and sneaking out at 2 in the morning. Playing Super Smash Bros all night. Laying on my friends trampoline freezing to death because its the end of December but not caring because the stars outside are so beautiful itd be a sin to not stay and watch them. Im not ready for my real life to start again. Im not ready to have my real life take over and start acting like I care about where I go in life. Im not ready for growing up. I feel like thats crazy but Im really not.