Today

Was a good/bad day. School was pretty good it was just a normal day really. Nothing went wrong and I felt happy you know like there's nothing for me to be sad or mad about. But then I talked to my mom and I guess I may have to move in with my sister. Im really scared I don't want to leave my mom. Just when we were getting really close and even though its been hard we've over come so many things together. I cant leave her now I need her. This really is not helping me out with concentrate on finals!

I need to find a brain.

Have you ever been put in a situation where you know you shouldn't do something and you don't even want to, but you do it anyways? You don't think about the consequences you just do it? I always wonder why I do this. I do it a lot of them time. I just don't think. And it gets me in a lot of trouble! So yeah Im pretty much grounded and Im nervous to talk to my mom about last night..

FINALS

Okay am I the only one that is freaking out about finals?! They sound like there going to be extremley hard and Im really scared now. I feel like Ive learned like nothing this year. When my teachers were going over what kind of thing was going to be on the tests it just made me more and more nervous and anxious. Gah :( Im going to stop this blog and go study!

Christmas in The Park!

Christmas in the Park was actually a lot of fun! But kind of creepy at the same time. The little doll setup are weird..like the mechanical thingys, I dont know but it was so much more fun than I remember it. Maybe it was just because of who I was with! :)

The Moderate White

Im really confused about which I think Atticus is, a moderate white or someone who is willing to fight for justice. Im pretty sure that he falls into the second category. But I really cant decide because he is portrayed as a man who stands back and watches, but I think there's more to him than that. He fought for Tom Robinson full heartedly and I think if he was a person that waited for change, he wouldn't have tried to protect him so much. This assignments also makes me wonder what am. I would like to think of myself as someone that would have stood up for someone whom was being treated badly as I usually do, but something so scary as being thrown in jail and tortured, I wonder what I would do. If I could have the strength to stand up for justice.

Love Hate Relationship

Right now Im at home laying in my nice warm bed listen to music, NOT at school. I just woke up and I feel sooo rested now. Last night I was feeling so stressed and overwhelmed my mom told me to stay home. So I did and catching up on sleep is really nice. But at the same time its not. Im kind of freaking out about missing school. I mean I know its only a day but in a day you miss a lot. Last year I was absent like every other week and my grades dropped substantially because of it. Plus tonight I need to stay here with my family and they've been irritating me and its hard being in the same room with them right now.

Chance

I hate it when you have so much to say to someone and you've been thinking about the perfect words to use and exactly what they did wrong. You know EXACTLY what your feeling and then when you see them, everything slips away. You cant remember anything you wanted to say to them, and the hurt that they've caused you is still there, but you just ignore it. Your so scared of what they might do or think of you you just cant say it to them. You love them to much to say it. You hope that maybe they will just figure it out. Maybe you can comfort them and make them realize what they are doing is wrong. That its painful and hurts not only themselves but you too. I should have said something I know. But I missed my chance.

The Weather

The weather always seems to match your feelings. Its crazy. Right now Im feeling like sad and confused. And its really cloudy and cold. But Im happy at the same time. But I love the kinda of weather we've been having lately.

Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving this year was there weirdest, most emotionally crazy one I have ever experienced. It made me apprieciate my family though more than I ever have, except for my dad he kind of is what made it crazy. But I love them more then anything in the world! :)

Random Blog

Im feeling really lame and dont feel like thinking of something important to blog about. But yeah, today was fairly good. It was just one of those filler days that you need to have every now and then. Tomorrow will definitely be more exciting! I hope, its going to rain so it better be good. I didnt really understand our episode of My So Called Life today. I mean I get it, but most of the time I can see how the parents and kids choices effect eachother and blah blah blah. Her mom was really confusing me. I didnt understand why she felt like she had to make her daughter to that stupid modeling thing. Like they started talking about how kids have bad images of themselves in highschool, then both of the moms were saying how they were fat and wrinkling. And Angelas mom started telling her how to improve herself, like getting ride of the zit and stuff. Isent that bad? In tv shows arent parents were supposed to be all perfect and tell there kids there beautiful and perfect and dont need to change anything about themselves? It was confusing for me.

Dont read this

I had sooooo much fun today! My face still hurts from laughing so much!( To Mr Thompson that was not a nice thing to say about my face..) But yeah, Im feeling pretty productive too, Ive caught up on all my stuff for school that I needed to do and can relax now. Oh I also have four A's! But one C+ which isent helping my GPA. Its getting so close to the end of the semester and things are getting pretty hectic. I hope everyones been able to keep up with all the work weve been getting and arent getting to stressed!

Stupid French Teacher!

If your taking french then you know what Im going through right now! Stupid Ms Barbu gave us this really bad poem to memorize all in one night. She's crazy I cant remember this whole thing in a language Im no where close to speaking yet! Plus we have to make up our own song in a couple weeks and write it our in french and present it. First of all Im not creative so I don't know what shes expecting from me and thats so embarrassing to present that in front of the whole class!

Oh mann

I forgot about all the homework I need to finish! Guess Ill be up pretty late tonight. School is starting to stress me out Im excitied about our break coming up I need it. Wow, its already close to winter break. This year has gone by so fast I still feel like its the first month into my sophomore year.

Sunday Afternoons

I love sunday afternoons when you just sit at home in your pajamas and sleep all day. I havent been able to get one of these in in awhile and Im very much enjoying it. So far today Ive done pretty much nothing except eat A LOT and sleep. Its been amazing!

Im really loving TKAM! I dont know what it is about it that I love so much. Harper Lee just shows how people act and perceive things in a weird way. I would never have thought of writing things from the point of view of a 8 year old girl. I don't know how writers do it, creating novels and poems and all that. I wish was capable of writing great literature!

Yess.

Im so excitied for school tomorro! Im not even sure why, but Im just really excited about going. I think just because last week was so boring, this one cant get any worse. Oh and I am really starting to like To Kill a Mockingbird. Its growing on me.

The Gamee

Sucked for me! I didnt even get to see who won or hangout with someone I really wanted too. I think we lost which sucks. I also noticed that there were more people on the ST side then ours. Thats something we really need to fix, I mean come on it was a home game! But yeah, my night wasent that great. Hopefully the rest of my weekend wont be like this!

So Far This Month

This month so far has not been what I was expecting it to be. Its only been 5 days into November and everything is not going the way I want it to go. Im so conflicted with how I need to act and just breaking down. But breaking down isent an option. One good thing is that Obama WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd just like to say

That the Omen is the scariest movie ever right now! Its horrible I hate scary moves but I cant stop watching them.

I kind of like to ramble

Have you ever found a place that thats just perfect for you? Its been hidden from you for all of your life, and one day you take a different route and find it? And you think your so stupid because thats place has been there all your life, you've just never seen it. I found a place like that and I don't know how to put it in words but it was a really amazing spot. And I never would have found it if I hadn't taken a different way. As I sat there I realized that I loved it so much because it was new to me. The feeling of being at peace and the fact that know one knew where I was, it made me feel good. I want that in my life. To be at peace, you know? But I don't think thats how life works. I think you can never have that reset button that will make mistakes go away. I wish there was one but there's not. I think you need to grow with your mistakes. You don't cover them up you let them out for everyone to see because then you wont need that new place or reset button. Because then you'll be at peace with yourself. You wont need anyone else to approve of you. You'll just grow into whatever or whoever you want to be.

Our Bad Luck!

So this halloween pretty much sucked this year. I got in trouble for doing something I never even did! And then I couldnt do anything I planned on doing last night because of it. Plus when Emily and I were walking home, a black cat ran past us and over to an open ladder. What is that! Thats just like saying that we were in for a horrible day.

Its Funny

I think its funny how you can be able to erase someone from your life just like that. You cant throw away pictures or put away clothes they gave you and its like they were never there. Like they were never a huge part of your life or anything. Like they werent even there. How you can put of this mask and no one even know, you know? You can even pretend that you never knew them. But deep down, it hurts that they aren't there. You never can get over it. But is making them come back into your life really what you want? I don't know the answer Im just kind of babbling right now

Halloweenn

Its almost Halloween and I STILL dont have a costume! I think I know what Im going to be but now Im not so sure. So I need to decide on that. And then once I decided I need to go find what Im going to wear. Mann this year is going by so fast, I didnt even realize October's already almost over. It felt like it just started!

Great America

On Saturday, Emily and I went to Great America for that Halloween show thing. It was so scary I had no idea that it was going to be that frightening! We went in this one maze with a group of people we didnt know, thinking that it wouldnt be that scary but man we were wrong! During the middle of it a guy in the group we went it with had to walk behind us because the zombies kept chasing Emily and I. And then once we were out of the maze walking around the park, creatures were like attracted to us or something because whenever we turned around one would be like and inch away from us banging on things! I dont think Ive ever been that scared in my whole life!

BFF

Have you ever noticed that your best of friends, or just people you feel most comfortable around and connect with the most are the ones that are the least like you? And when your around someone thats like you, you get so bored with them or irritated with them? Which is kind of sad, maybe Im the only one that feels like that, but does that mean I dont like myself? Well anyways, I just realized that the old saying "opposites attract" is very accurate.

To Kill A Mockingbird

When I finished those couple chapters in To Kill a Mockingbird, I was really surprised. I was not expecting the narrater to be a little girl barely starting 1st grade. When I heard people talking about it, and heard the title I was picturing something more serious. So far this little girl has just been describing different people and children that live in their small town of Maycomb. She seems very intellegent for her age but also has a hard time grasping commen manners or courtesies. I wasent that impressed but maybe I just need to read more of it.

Soo yeah ...

This weekend was really relaxing. Thursday night I saw Quarantine. Man that was the scariest movie I have seen in a VERY long time. I couldnt fall asleep that night because my stupied brain would play mind tricks on me ad make me think a crazy killer was in my house trying to kill me! But then the rest of the weekend I got to hangout with some new people and just rest which was good. Im excitied for school tomorrow though!

Eck

I feel like Im not doing as good in school anymore. I just realised that I havent been turning in as much stuff or paying attention in class and I really need to fix that. I really want to do good this year and I cant let my grades slip because its hard to get hem back up again you know? I wish I could take a break though from it all. School I mean. We get friday off thou so I guess thats enough!

With the lights on or off?

So this weekend was really fun! Friday I went to the homecoming game and couldnt even go see it because we forgot our money. But then I went back to a friends house and spent the night there. Saturday was the day of homecoming! I had so much fun there. I thought it was really weird to go and see how different people acted when we were really in school. Well, we were in school. Thats what made it really weird. There were people there whom you would have never guess would be dancing like that or talking to those people. I dont understand why people were acting crazy when the only thing that was different was that the lights were turned off and we were all dancing. Why do we feel like we need to present a certain look durning the day, but once the lights are out we are totally different people? Im not accusing EVERYONE of this, but it was just something I noticed in a couple people there. After the dance me and a group of people went to dennys. They give complementary refills on hot chocolate! I had no idea! And today was pretty goood. I slept for like all of it and now im going to go see The Dutchess. This weekend has gone by way too quick.

Mr Miclettes Class Today!

So today in Mr Miclettes class Kevin, Ismoneyy, Danielle, Emily and I had an amazing conversation about everything and anything! Sadly, not much work was done, but I think Mr Miclette understood that we were really involved in what we were talking about. I love when people can sit down and just talk about things that are very big in our teenage lives, without feeling scared of what someone else may think of their views on certain things or ideas they may have on a topic. I havent had a conversation like that in a while Im really glad we talked!

Changes

Do you ever feel like your just ready for something to change? Everything in your life is not terrible but not great, your just skating by. Im at that stage right now. Things or activities that made me excitied or happy before just dont quite do it for me anymore. And when something bad happens that should hurt or make me angry I just brush it away. And they just sit there, waiting for me to make them something great. But I cant think, I just feel brain dead. Everyday changes, but the feelings never do. I need something to come into my life and just be their. To just happen, sort of pull me in if that makes any sense.

Rain!

It actually rained! I love the rain so much its very tranquil. I could just sit and watch it for hours. I get lost in rain. The smell of rain hitting asfault, cars running through puddles. Its so comforting for some reason. To lay in bed and was the drops on your window sill. I would always imagine that they were racing to the bottom of the glass pannel. Theres just something so significant about rain. Im not sure what it is but its like I cant relate to rain. I just wish it would have lasted longer.

My dog Sasha

This morning I woke up to rather abnoxious sounds of my fat stupied dog barking and whinning right next to ear at exactly 4:29 am. Since then Ive been up. Now normally Id be prettty bugged but today is different. Todays the last day I get to see my dog. Ive had her since I was 9 and shes been there for a lot of hard things Ive gone through in these past couple of years. When my dad said that we couldnt afford to keep her the first time, I didnt really mind. Well I did but I wasent going to let my parents know that. They have a lot of things going on right now. But now that shes actually leaving I dont want to let go of her. Ive grown to love her so much, shes a member of the family. Ive been having to do many changes in my life resently and I dont like complaining, but shes really the only thing Ive felt like I need right now that I cant have.
Oh well, maybe Im just being immature about this. I really dont know.

Antigone

One quote that I liked from a passage in Antigone was "The time I’ll have to please the dead is far longer than the time I have to please the living." Im not sure if Im reading more into this than I should be, but I thought this quote meant more then just honoring the gods. To me, Antigone was also saying that if she did not give her brother the respect he deserved or the proper burial then it would bother her consious. And that is a very noble thing to do. Even though she could get into a lot of trouble, she still will do the right thing.

Family.

I never realized how much I love my family. And how not seeing my sister or dad in awhile effected me. This weeked was a flashback to like 7 years ago when everything was simple. When I liked being with them and didnt feel like an outsider in my own my family. And when all I cared about was making them smile or laugh. But now that I think about it, it wasent so great back then either. I was just to young to know the difference. But even when people do hurtful things you to you, you still love them and need them in your life. I just realized this soo i thought Id blog about it :)

Sooo Ive Been Reading

So Ive been reading peoples blogs about Mr Miclettes debate on homosexuality and what happened in his first period. But I would like to say something on behalf of the religious thing that I think Chritine brought up. I was raised in a Christian home for all of my life and I decided awhile back that it wasent what I believed and that I couldnt call myself a true Christian because of it. One of the reasons I felt this was that I couldnt wrap my head around the idea of a man loving a man or a woman loving a woman being wrong. That it was a sin to have feelings for someone? The way some people handle it can be seen as ignorant. Saying they hate someone for what they believe or feel. And for some reason Christians are given the reputation of hate homosexuals. But as I was able to talk more with other Christians, I realised that some had just as had of a time understanding it as well. But, because their religion said that it was a sin, they needed to believed it as a sin. I no longer consider myself a Christian but I feel like they're given a bad reputation. I think that open mindedness needs to be present for both people how believe being homosexual is right or wrong.

First blog!

Yay my first blog! I didn't really know what to write about so I guess Ill write about "My So Called Life." Angela continues on with her struggle of finding out who she is and what kinda of person she wants to be. She is starting to talk less and less with her close friend Sharon and hang out more with Rayanne, giving her a taste of freedom and individualiy. She also is becoming more confident and finally talks to her crush, although slightly pathetic, was a start to coming out of her shell. But at home, she is finding it harder to talk to her mom, saying she blames everyone and is almost afraid of her daughters coming of age.